Ringing The Bell

A Lovely World Does Not Condone Sexual Violence

It’s not my calling or inclination to facilitate hot takes on controversial topics. I like to think, sit, walk, move, pray, listen, reason with the community then connect the dots between real stories, newspaper headlines and my personal values. I am inclined to listen to real stories from marginal spaces, “a voice crying in the wildnerness” if you will. So, in recent days I have been doing a lot of the above. Here’s what I know to be true:  a lovely world does not condone sexual violence. Healthy sex is void of violence. Lovely Village will continue to ring the bell: Healthy sex. Healthy world.

Yet here we are, and it’s all over the news, again: Multiple leading men accused, convicted, associated with sexual violence continue rising to power. Survivors of sexual trauma cry, “How long, oh Lord?”. Agencies who stand with survivors in hospitals, jails and mental health facilities hear this and wonder, “Where’s the light?” 100 agencies, many who hold Christian values, have signed a petition against the confirmation of Matt Gaetz and you can, too. This matters to us at a very local level because when it comes to trafficking and sex crimes, many cases are prosecuted at the federal level. Federal crimes are ultimately enforced, or not, by the Attorney General. 

We’ve Been Here Before

But, we have been here before, we know what it feels like when what is evil, and those who perpetuate it, hide in plain sight. We could cite a litany of powerful people over history who have been able to carry out their professional roles amassing more money and influence even when guilty of heinous crimes and victims struggle to find safe housing, stable community and living wages. I want to believe that our collective work over the past 2 decades bringing awareness to sex trafficking, sex exploitation, the harms of porn and commercial sex has started sinking in with others. Lovely Village is not a lone voice, we’re part of a larger movement fighting, each in their own unique way, against sex exploitation, trafficking and at its core: sexual violence. Any non consensual or exploitative sexual act, and even the threat of such, is sexual violence. As a reminder, children cannot consent to sex with an adult. Period. A child is considered 17 yrs of age and younger, again, just a reminder. 

What’s the point in receiving federal, state and local dollars, taxpayer dollars, to fight sex trafficking; funding law enforcement, coalitions and victim services when only some criminals are brought to justice? When “rooting out” evil practices, don’t we go for the, ahem, root of it, and let the light expose what it may? Isn’t healing about revealing what’s been making us so sick and ensuring we quit feeding the monster? I’m not naive, I know sexual violence will be alive as long as humans draw breath, but justice should be alive as well. C’mon, we can do better and survivors deserve it - or do we, do I, do you?

Would You Rather?

Here’s a little game my kids used to play called, “would you rather?” The game pits two worst-case scenarios against each other but begs you to choose. No options, no wild card, no alternate route, you must choose between eating a pile of boogers or drinking a cup of snot. Don’t worry though, for this exercise  I will only use real stories, real conundrums and worst cases from our work with Lovely Village for you to choose from.

Here goes:

Would you rather your child be trafficked or your child be sexually assaulted by their pastor?

Would you rather an unborn child be raised by their pimp father, or the mother (who was trafficked) order abortion drugs online?

Would you rather your college son sexually assault a woman at a party, or your daughter be the one assaulted?

Would you rather your college student be raped while concious or while unconscious? 

Would you rather your son consume porn regularly or your daughter end up on Only Fans selling her body?

Would you rather your husband buy women in prostitution or you endure his rape? 

Would you rather your child be sexually abused by their family member, or as an adult by a powerful politician? 

Would you rather your boss grab you by the p**sy or a random stranger?

Would you rather your son be raped by his coach or sexually assaulted by a fraternity brother in college?

Would you rather your mom be raped in her bedroom or on a yacht?

IF you’re NOT cool with any of the above scenarios, we invite you to take action with us in response to the epidemic of sexual violence. IF you want a healthy, flourishing world, SEXUAL VIOLENCE IS THE ISSUE TO CARE ABOUT! 

The Reality

Here’s the reality. People who have been sexually abused are more vulnerable to trafficking and exploitation, mental illness, addiction, depression, anxiety, suicide, eating disorders, poverty and physicological illnesses. In women, there is a link between sexual trauma and disorders in the reproductive organs including cancer. And, still, the number one factor in global poverty is gender violence, the sexual abuse of women and children. In other words, if you want a healthy world, one that is flourishing, one where the socioeconomic wellness of all people thrives, then we must work to end sexual violence. The research is in, we’re already paying for the impact via tax dollars, we have proof of how bad this is for societies around the world. But apparently, the nation fighting for freedom, for “life, liberty and pursuit of happiness” and many fighting “in Jesus’s name” have missed a very basic point. I saw Christians floating a meme around election time: “God used David, a murderous, rapist, adulter” as if to say, “God’s cool with rape and murder ”. It made me sick, it’s also not a logical argument but the evangelical camp is having a hard time with good logic these days. I try to follow Jesus, grew up in the evangelical church and am a licensed minister. I am a white, cisgendered mom who started a ministry and recorded Christian music for years. Pray tell, if King David is the model, the goal, the standard for leadership - then why Jesus? If things were working so well for Israel, why send a homeless Savior to subversively disrupt the patriarchy and caste system ruling the land? Why didn’t Jesus grow up to rape women and murder his enemies when he had a heart after God too? Oh, because sexual violence and murdering enemies is not part of God’s loving heart and Jesus came to show us that.

Church?

Why does the church remove from leadership the pastors, teachers, elders and deacons having extramarital affairs, inappropriate relationships with others, sexual misconduct, child abuse, illicit massage visits, pornography use, and of course rape and incest but not seem to care if Christian politicians do the same? Someone whose moral compass has gone haywire is someone who is incapable of leading others well; Christian or not. Right?  An old Scripture comes to mind, “A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.” Seems like we have a problem, particularly in the evangelical church, with appointing double minded men to lead us. 

Here’s Matt Gaetz in his own words, from his own book: 

In his 2020 book Firebrand, Gaetz wrote in a chapter titled “Sex and Money,” that “getting paid and getting laid … aren’t inherently bad things.”  Okay, i’ll give him that point. But he goes on to say:

“We’ve got a president now who doesn’t care for puritanical grandstanding or moralistic preening,” Gaetz wrote about Trump. “I have an active social life, and it’s probably easier in the era of Trump. We’ve had ‘perfect family man’ presidents before, after all, and many of those men sold out our country, even if their wives were happy the whole time. If politicians’ family lives aren’t what really matter to the voters, maybe that’s a good thing. I’m a representative, not a monk.” 

Character Matters

Well, I’m not really interested in politicians' personal family lives, unless their idea of “social activity” means sexual exploitation, trafficking or violence. I am interested in how their character and compass do justice or perpetuate harm. Maybe you care too? If you’re interested in learning more about how sexual violence harms the whole world and how we can do justice in this area, here is a list of some helpful resources. If you’re a Christ follower and one of the many “anti-trafficking”, church going folks who've been ringing that bell and funding orgs, then it’s time for you to raise your voice as much as your pocket book, call your friends and powerful people in politics now. Maybe together we can stop allowing what leads to human trafficking (sexual violence) to lead and govern our nation. 

Consistency is Essential

We can’t penalize P. Diddy and give politicians a pass. Why is the church removing pastors from pulpits but electing politicians who harm women? Get consistent. The evangelical church seems more interested in amassing power and wealth than securing the inherent worth and dignity of people. Which, quite frankly, doesn’t sound like Christ’s church at all. 

Are we cool with raping and sexually assaulting people, or not? Just curious.

Love is a Village, 

Emily Mills

Survivor of sexual abuse, leader, singer, songwriter, podcaster, writer and founder of Lovely Village.